The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity

When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.

This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.

For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.

We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.

While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.

Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.

The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.

So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?

Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.

Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.

Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.

And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd