Many people give up this right when it comes to their relationships. It's almost as if when it comes to the "us", the "I" has to disappear. But depending too much on your partner or spouse or children for sustenance makes you vulnerable to attacks. Also, if you're relying on someone else for love, money, approval and so on, what happens when that person is no longer around? Or decides to leave? Would you end up helpless and alone?
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence.
The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others. even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.
Develop an invisible, protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself, time for the mood to change from one of anger to resentment to one of peace.
In order to live a happy and emotionally secure life, you have to be true to yourself. You must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you.
By taking that positive step towards finding the self-reliance you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
