Staying True to Yourself

For some of us, being true and staying true to oneself can be a struggle. Maybe we were brought up to deny our authentic selves in favour of some popular ideal. Perhaps we were taught to respect other people's wishes more than our own. Maybe we're surrounded by friends and family who seem to have an opinion on everything we do, and it's driving us crazy.

Growing into our true selves can take a lot of time and practice, especially if we've been suppressing it for most of our youth. Not to mention courage, since for some of us, our authentic selves may not be the accepted norm in our society. So how can you honour your own voice amidst the din of bigots and naysayers?

Well, first and most critically, value your self and your choices. This mind and body is yours and yours only. People may say or do things "for your own good", but ultimately, you're the one who's going to suffer the consequences or enjoy the happiness. Not them. So respect your own wishes. Don't waste time pondering right or wrong. There's only what feels right to you "at the time". When you honour your own choices, others will too.

Next, understand that opinions are more about the person giving them than they are about you. The remarks are being filtered through that particular individual's history, experience, conditioning, childhood, education, whatever. It's definitely biased, no matter how they try to appear impartial. Also, when people discourage or disapprove, they're probably coming from a place of insecurity, fear, doubt or envy. Something about you scares them, so they feel a need to strike it down. So remember, when someone gives you destructive criticism, ignore them. It's about them, not you.

People can also go too far sometimes, so remember to set boundaries for the particularly obnoxious ones. Decide which aspects of your life are off-limits and get them to respect those boundaries.

Remember, no one can stand up for yourself except yourself. Loved ones can defend you occasionally but they can't be around all the time. Be sure that when you need help the most, you are there for yourself. Trust yourself and stand up for what you believe in.

Other people can teach you many life lessons, and certainly you should listen if they have something valuable to say, but learn to tune out the naysayers who themselves are fearful for their own selfish reasons.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Honouring Each Day

Just how precious are your days?

Well, to answer that question, just look at how you're spending them.

Going by the way some of us live our lives, we don't really think our days are all that important. We rush blindly through them, not truly savouring the experience, fall into bed exhausted, then wake up the following morning only to do it all over again. We make mechanical and dutiful contact with our loved ones, saturate our bodies with caffeine, junk food and alcohol, and generally make chains of meaningless moments.

Meaningful moments, when we do try, are few and far between. We blame it on our hectic work schedules of course, or tenaciously hold on to the notion that there will always be time for our loved ones. Too many people are caught in the trap of "busyness" - that never-ending need to work, to play, to do everything else except the things that truly make life wonderful and meaningful.

When was the last time you truly honoured the day? I mean really accorded it the respect and significance it deserves? Because the future is an illusion - we all think we have more time, but that simply isn't true at all. Our lives could end at any time. The only time we really have is the present - it's where we are now. If we can't be happy with who we are, what we have and where we are now, then we're just wasting our time. We might as well be sleepwalking through our days.

Too many of us are waking up in cold sweat thinking "Where has all the time gone? What have I been doing with my life? Why am I not spending more time showing my wife how much I care about her? Why am I not showing my loved ones more love? How much time do I really have left?"

We're not waking up thinking about our jobs, our bosses, getting a fancy haircut, buying a new car, a new bag, a new anything; these things just don't fulfill us, really!

What we really need is connection. We need to connect more with other human beings. We need to connect more with nature. We need to connect more with who we are inside and make that who we are outside as well. We need to honour all that the day gives us - the sun, the wind, the hot breakfast, the taxi ride, the smiles, the friendly invitations, our partner's touch, a joke, a laugh, a kiss.

Honouring the day means choosing to make each moment count.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Focus On Creation, Not Competition

As you probably know by now, Singapore was ranked poorly in the recent Happiness Index. One often-mentioned reason was our highly-competitive society. Here, we're taught (sometimes implicitly) to be the best, to make our parents proud, to get the best grades, to make more money, to be among the first in the queue, to jostle for seats on the MRT, to get maximum value at the buffet table. It's no coincidence that the Hokkien term for the fear of losing has become a love-hate expression to describe Singaporeans.

Competition is so pervasive here that it's become as natural as the air we breathe. We don't even think about why we do it, we just do. Certainly it has its roots in the early survival of the human species - this "need to win" ensured we got the food, secured the best territory, produced offspring with the most able-bodied mates, and so on, but in the modern context, could excessive competition be snuffing out our joy?

I'm not saying that competition is bad - it certainly spurs us on to do better for ourselves - but this "need to win" to feel better about ourselves can backfire for some of us. I mean, it's all rosy when we do win, but what happens when we don't? Being transfixed on victory can turn us into very sore losers.

Many of us have allowed this "need to win" to be the determinant of our happiness. So it's not surprising why so many of us are unhappy; we can't win all the time, and when we don't get the best or the most, we become discontented.

The key to regaining control of your happiness is to change your focus - from competition to creation. Competition is centred on other people - other people's possessions, other people's achievements, other people's happiness or good fortune. This causes envy and the desire to obtain the same or better, if only for the reason that "they have it".

This kind of thinking ignores what we truly want for ourselves, for our lives, for our loved ones. We're buying into the collective belief that just because it's desired by most people that it must be good for us.

Creation, on the other hand, is about using your talents to produce things of value to society. Creation does not look at other members of society as benchmarks; it focuses on what we personally can achieve with what we have. Creation is about reaching inside to create abundance. This kind of spiritual abundance, not material abundance, is what brings about lasting joy.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

STORIES - The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Cheering Yourself Up (Part 2)

We continue to explore how can you cheer yourself up when you're feeling down.

Force yourself to smile and laugh. Smiling tricks your mind into thinking you're happy. Probable result? A more light-hearted you. And laughing instantly makes you feel a whole lot better because you take in lots of oxygen and that revitalises your blood cells. so share a funny anecdote with a family member, friend or colleague. Laugh heartily!

Make something. The process of creation takes your mind off your worries, and you get a sense of satisfaction when the product finally emerges. Write a poem, paint a picture, make a mural in your bedroom, or plant a garden.

Keep a list of things you can appreciate; things that you normally take for granted. A loving family, good health, the sight of verdant trees in the park, friendly colleagues, peace, or a satisfying meal. If you try to identify the blessings in your life, you'll find the list endless.

Start a project. Redecorate your room, learn a language, polish your car, take music lessons, go for a film appreciation course, anything! But it's crucial that you stick with your project till the end. People don't fail. They give up. So follow it through and your self-esteem will receive a much-needed boost.

Go through your address book and meet up with your old friends. It's so easy to get caught up with work and family and neglect the people with whom you have an intellectual or emotional connection. Connect with them again. Go for a movie together and analyse its many layers. Invite your friend over, ask him to bring his favorite CDs for the moment, listen to music and talk. share a pizza and catch up.

And, finally, perhaps the most scientifically-proven method for lifting your spirits... physical exercise! Go for a run! Sweat out all your worries! Forget about your problems for a while, and you'll be amazed at how much clearer things will be when you finish your run.

At the end of it all... choose to be happy. There are plenty of things to be sad or sorry about in life, but you know, there are many things to rejoice about as well. Perhaps a shift in focus is all you need.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd