Pitfalls to Communication With Your Partner

It'd be nice if we could read out partners' minds, wouldn't it?

Then we wouldn't have to guess or presume.

Telepathy though doesn't come naturally to most of us, and the inability to see our partner's point often results in many a harmless conversation turning into an unsightly quarrel.

What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need?

Dr Brenda Shoshana give us the top three communication problems that most couples have, and the solutions to them in their article "The Relationship Saver".

Pitfall number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, though temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.

Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and forthright, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.

Pitfall number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something either with actions or words and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to a person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.

Love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect of each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd