STORIES - Hearing Test

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"Peter, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us..!

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Promoting Yourself

Many of us are uncomfortable with the idea of promoting ourselves. Ask anyone about doing more to get themselves out there and more often than not, you'll get a shrug, a groan and something like "Oh I don't know?", "I just don't have the time", or "I don't have anything valuable to sell".

This could be because society is abound with connotations of arrogance or vanity associated with promoting oneself; things like "tooting your own horn", "blowing your own trumpet", or "you're so full of yourself".

But if you're not going to promote yourself, who will? We can say all we like about contestants in Singapore Idol, Miss Universe, etc. but the truth is, they had the guts to put themselves out there. They weren't waiting for some head-hunter to knock on their doors (which rarely happens); they ran towards their dreams with everything they had. In the process, they were judged, sometimes ridiculed, but at least they were doing it for themselves. And you know what? Many of them got the notice or attention that they needed to further their careers or bring them closer to their goals.

The truth is, getting known by the public scares a lot of people; I myself used to vehemently shun any publicity outside of my role as a radio presenter. Many of us have the fear of being judged negatively, so we fight to remain as "low-profile" as we can. Yet, as we progress in our work, we realize that in order to become better at what we do, we have to meet more people, talk to more people, get more people to know us and work with us. This is the conundrum.

In my experience, you don't lose anything by promoting yourself. Each of us has value, a skill that is useful to others. No one's going to benefit from you keeping that all to yourself. You might be great at hosting events, maybe you have a flair for writing, maybe you whip up a killer curry pasta; let people know!

I can understand why you might be holding back - when you put yourself out there, people may love you, but they may also hate you. Well, you know, whether you promote yourself or not, there are always going to be people, who for some reason, will not like you or the things you do. But if even you yourself do not like yourself enough to promote yourself, then you're wasting opportunities on a daily basis. Wherever you are right now, you have all you need to find more fulfillment, make more friends, make more money, help more people.

Only you can give yourself the permission to get your name out there; be as big a person as you think you can be.

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Self-Confidence

You probably wouldn't be counting, but it's been estimated that on average we make between 300 and 400 self-evaluations per day. Now if that's a surprising statistic to you, what do you think of this one? Out of those 300 to 400 self-assessments, about 80% are negative.

The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in. A good mistake can often send us into prolonged and repeated sessions of self-flagellation.

"That was stupid. I can't believe you said that! Remember the last time you messed things up? Why do you always do that?"

Now, you wouldn't say that to a friend or co-worker, would you? So why would you say such things to yourself?

Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse. Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often, we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had lots of help!". It may be a cultural thing, but most of us tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.

Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you're always selling yourself short, you're also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.

Scott Adams, the Dilbert Cartoonist, once put into practice the power of moving on from mistakes and not dwelling on them. He says: "Once at a tennis tournament, I was paired with a woman who had just learned how to play. Every time she missed a shot, she immediately turned to me, expecting that I would be disappointed or frustrated. Instead, I talked to her about our strategy for the next point. By doing so, I sent a very important message: The past doesn't matter. I didn't encourage her with empty praise-that rarely works. But I know that if she dwelled on a mistake, she was more likely to repeat it, and that if she focused on how we were going to win the next point, she was more likely to help us do just that. Over several days, her abilities improved dramatically and we ended up winning the tournament."

Treat yourself the same way.

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Intelligent Optimism

In today's context, optimism can seem like an impossible goal or a cliche? Or for some, even a joke. Every day we are bombarded by news of yet another major accident or natural disaster or virus or bomb attack, years of campaigning and research have not eliminated starvation, and even in developed countries, the rising cost of living is causing many to feel like they're living in a pressure cooker.

Life certainly isn't easy for most of us, and because of this, maintaining an optimistic outlook can be tough as well. You may well look at an optimistic person and think "well, he must be living in a bubble!"

But optimism doesn't have to be a lofty ideal with its head lost in the clouds. It can acknowledge the harshness of the real world while helping you to be joyful in spite of this reality. This is what some people call "intelligent optimism". This is positivity that doesn't simply say "Today will be a perfect day!" but rather "Today will not be perfect but that's ok, I can still make it the best I can!"

Here are the fundamentals when it comes to developing an attitude of intelligent optimism:

First, focus on what you can control. Don't get caught up with things you can't do anything about. For example, you can often change yourself or your habits but you can't force your spouse to fit into your ideal. You can only lead by example.

Next, stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Life may be a play, but it's still too early to proclaim it a tragedy. In fact, changing your perspective will make you realize that life, as with people, cannot be pigeon-holed at all. It's how you look at it and what you do about it. No one's out to "get you". Most people are too busy dealing with their own problems. Your key task is to do what is best for yourself with the resources you have.

Then, focus on and appreciate more deeply what you already have. Think "I have more than enough" instead of "I need more!". Most of us have vast untapped resources within us that we haven't even begun to make use of. You're listening to this now because you do have the time, you do understand what I'm trying to say, and you know you can do better.

And practise a simple habit of giving positive responses. When people ask you how you are, just saying "Good!" will immediately get your spirits up and gear your brain for upcoming achievements and successes.

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

STORIES - The Cracked Pot

A water bearer had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot always arrived only half full. The other pot however, was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection; it was miserable that it was unable to do what it had been made to do.

After two years of enduring this bitter shame, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself and I apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

The cracked pot was puzzled by this response but heeded the instructions. As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, and not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we've walked back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd