Forgiveness for Your Own good

You are always being told "Forget what happened. Put it behind you and move on."

It is not that easy, is it?

Forgiving someone who has done you an injustice is difficult, it even feels illogical, because we feel that we are letting the wrongdoer off the hook. But forgiving does not equate letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning bad behaviour. Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about you.

You forgive people not for their sake, but fo your own sake. You forgive because that's the one way you can set yourself free. When you forgive, you are letting go of anger, of hurt, helplessness or shame. Like love, when forgiveness is given unconditionally, it is incredibly empowering for the giver. When you set conditions on forgivness, you give power to your tormentors. You make it easier for them to hurt you again.

Stress is often caused by regrets and resentments we have been holding on to for years. The grudges rob us of peace of mind and hamper our growth.

Peace of mind is required for healing to take place. Forgiveness can bring that peace of mind. That said though, nobody should demand or expect forgiveness from you. It is nobody's birth-right to be forgiven. It is up to you when you are ready and when you want to forgive them. You have to work through your anger and sense of loss before you will be able to do that. Others can ask you for forgiveness but not expect it. To expect forgiveness builds up even more resentment.

But we all should practice forgiveness regularly to unclutter our mind. When we forgive, we remove what's blocking our energy and happiness. We open doors to fresh air and light.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Highest Desire

In our daily intereactions with others, be they with our spouse, our children, our parents, our colleagues, our friends or our bosses, we sometimes lose the plot. By this I mean that we often get overcome by emotions, distracted by petty sidelines, and forget our focus.

Let's say you have a dispute with our spouse or partner. The primary factor in this relationship, the reason why you're both in it, is to love and be loved. But very often we get ingrained in other stuff - the need to be right for instance - and that kills the highest intention you had when you first met, began courting and decided that you would like to spend more time with each other.

Ultimately, you love this person and this person loves you. That should be the most important outcome, should not it? When you keep your focus on this, the dispute becomes secondary - unimportant and definitely not worth straining your relationship over.

It's probably easier to understand this with someone you love. But what about with your colleagues, whom you don't love? Well, not romantically anyway...

Again, what is your highest intention, the highest desire? Is it to win your point of view at any cost? Is it to be seen the most capable employee in the company? Is it to earn a simple living so you focus on other aspects of life you cherish more? Or is it to rise through the ranks and one day own your own business? Is it to build respect? Or to be recognised for your talents and abilities? Focus on the highest outcome. When you do this, you send subtle, unseen signals to your colleagues and your bosses and they will begin to show you the very thing you want.

What about the kids?

With kids, the same principles applies - what is the utmost intention? Is it to force them into doing what you want right now or to have them willingly co-operate and grow up into well rounded, responsible people who can think for themselves and make their own decision?

Our relationships can be beneficial and rewarding. We just have to focus on the highest desire - what is the highest outcome you could have in this situation? What's most important?

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd